honour your feeling

Allowing the permission to feel and having the safety to express all emotion is so important. After all, they are emotions, not good or bad. But far too often we bottle them up, especially if there was no permission, nor safety. The consequence of bottling up my confusion and anger as a child was often came out as ‘bad’ behaviour, socially embarrassed, problematic. So I learnt to internalise the unwanted feelings more, fit into a mould… until… I couldn’t. Repeated that toxic cycle.

Ability to express is powerful. It connects us. It helps you navigate. It helps you survive. Without it, it feels like drowning in the lonely darkness.

I felt like I was losing the language to express again. I feared spiralling down to darkness that I knew too well. Doubt created more doubt. On my healing journey, on the purpose. Recurring identity and existential crisis. So I shrunk like usual. If I sat small, swallowed the word cannot be formed, and hid. As if the pain would go away. It felt like grieving and I am still processing it.

Too much time I focus on the pain, the injustice as they resurfaced, worrying about the future, how this will impact on my girl. When I truly heal.. when I finally let go… when I feel less overwhelmed… when when when.

The truth is my journey is right here in this moment, no where else. That is when. Even with doubt. Even ugly expression. Even progress feels like going backward. Acknowledgement is one thing, acceptance is another. Moving through it all is a challenge, and I guess, that’s living.

Whilst usual critical voice is still there, constantly judging, second guessing and over-thinking, I greet them, notice they are there, so that I can practice more breathing, grounding and just being in this moment.

#miniwordsoflife was birthed as a vehicle for my emotional journey. If you are on it, I’m rooting for you.